Razor's Edge Page 5

  “Yes, Noni, I do,” she said, wincing as Kashini’s hands, claws splayed, began to open and close against her breast. “Ouch! Her teeth are bad enough, but those claws of hers!”

  “It’s only for a few weeks, child. You should wrap her arms tight in her blanket if it’s that painful.”

  “No, I couldn’t do that to her,” she said, gently caressing her cub’s head with her free hand. “She’d feel trapped. She needs to be free to move as she wants.” She looked over to where the old Sholan sat. “You know, I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about her, but somehow it doesn’t seem important that she isn’t like me. She’s my daughter and that’s all that matters.” Reflexively she held her baby closer, feeling a surge of love welling up within her.

  “That’s blood talking to blood, child,” Noni laughed gently. “Would you listen to her? I can hear her purring from here! You and she have bonded all right!”

  Despite their talk about Kashini, Carrie could sense Noni was more interested in Kaid. Now that the old Sholan knew she and her cub were bonded, she’d turned her mind to other matters. Well, if she wanted to know, she could damned well ask! Noni had been enigmatic with all of them often enough, now it was her turn.

  After a few minutes of silence, Noni finally let her curiosity get the better of her.

  “And how did your night with Tallinu go? You left before I had chance to ask you. It has only been the once so far, hasn’t it?”

  “So far,” agreed Kaid from the open doorway. “As for how our night went, shame on you for asking, Noni!”

  Carrie looked up, smiling in pleasure to see him. They were so different, he and Kusac. Her husband, the telepath and scholar, as dark-pelted as midnight, and Kaid, the highly disciplined warrior-priest, his fur the color of the desert soil at Khezy’ipik. How could she care so deeply for two such different males?

  “Have you no more respect for your elders than to go sneakin’ up on them like that?” Noni demanded tartly.

  “Not a lot,” he replied, coming over to Carrie. “Kusac will be here in a few minutes to escort you down to the aircar.” He reached out impulsively to touch Carrie’s cheek.

  “Hmpf!” said Noni, pushing herself slowly up from her chair. “So you’re not a lovesick youngling! You do a fair job of imitating one!”

  “You’ll not goad me today, Noni,” he said.

  Carrie took his hand in hers and urged him to sit beside her. As he did, his larger hand enveloped hers, keeping it within his grasp. “I’ve come to spend a little time with Carrie, if she doesn’t mind, not to argue with you.”

  “I’d like that,” said Carrie, aware of his grip tightening gently as she spoke.

  “I suppose I’d better leave you in peace,” Noni grumbled, turning away from them and making her way slowly to the door.

  When she’d gone, Carrie gently eased her hand away. “Kashini’s heavier than she looks,” she explained, using it to help support her cub’s weight. “How’s it going with Lijou?”

  “He’ll be here for a while yet,” said Kaid. “Kusac asked me to keep you company, and I, reluctantly of course, agreed.”

  “Of course.” She matched his grin. “Tell me some more about the Triads, Tallinu. I know they formed so the warrior could protect the Leska pair, but there was more to their Link than that, wasn’t there?”

  “Some,” he agreed. “You have to see them in relation to their time. The needs they fulfilled then don’t exist now.”

  She could sense his evasion. “Historically,” she conceded, watching the muscles of his face and ears relax. She found Sholans so much easier to read than Humans.

  “Historically, after the Cataclysm, there were only a few telepaths left on this continent. Those that remained had to breed, to provide future generations. We know Vartra was trying to increase the number of Leska bondings, and that his virus, like our ni’uzu, affected those with nontelepathic talents, too. The result was that some warriors were drawn to Leska pairs and formed a bond—a Triad—with them. More often it was the female who had two lovers, or life-mates. Because few females could be spared to fight then, it was important that they be adequately defended.”

  “Two life-mates?”

  He nodded. “All telepathic links, be they Leska ones or minor ones, started out as a way for the strongest talents to be drawn together—natural selection. With so few pure telepaths, they had to keep track of the family bloodlines, and the Triads meant that the inclusion of some warriors with minor talents made the gene pool larger. Later generations of Triads recognized that only one life-mate was needed so long as the cubs were parented and nurtured by all three.”

  “That’s why Kusac registered our Triad at the temple,” nodded Carrie. She felt his mind begin to retreat from her as he broke eye contact.

  “There’s very little likelihood of us becoming genetically compatible,” he said quietly. “I think Kusac was being overly cautious. Even with Leska pairs, it takes a gestalt.”

  “You’ve been exposed to a gestalt, Tallinu.”

  He looked sharply at her. “Never!”

  “Mara’s, when we were at the ruins the day you left Valsgarth to find Khemu,” she reminded him.

  He looked away again. “That doesn’t count. It has to belong to your own Triad.”

  “There isn’t time for more cubs anyway,” she said, changing the tone of the conversation. “We’ve got friends to rescue. Vanna says that now she and Jack are working together with access to both our species data banks, they’re much nearer a breakthrough for this common contraceptive for the mixed Leska females. And while we were in the Margins, the military gave her all the equipment and people she wanted. It seems they’re determined nothing will delay us going on this rescue mission, which suits me.”

  “You know about it?”

  “Of course,” she said calmly. “Once Kusac figured it out, then naturally I knew. I picked it up from you as well.”

  “Me?” His whole body showed his surprise.

  “I’ve been able to pick up your occasional unguarded surface thoughts since before you and Dzaka fought.”

  He grunted noncommittally.

  She nodded. “With Rezac and Zashou and three Humans stranded on Jalna, that makes five people. There’s no way two of us can locate that many people, let alone rescue them, Tallinu.”

  In her arms, Kashini began to make tiny mewling sounds of distress as she lifted her head and turned to look up at her mother. They both felt the sudden burst of hunger and fretfulness.

  Kaid winced. “She’s very sensitive to your emotions. Dzaka’s talent wasn’t this developed even by the age of six.”

  “We’ve noticed,” she said, lifting the cub up and holding her out to him. “Take her for a moment, please.”

  Cautiously Kaid accepted the infant.

  Carrie laughed, feeling his confusion and reluctance. “I’d get used to it, Tallinu. You’re her secondary father after all!”

  He gave her a horrified look. “Her uncle!” he said, a pained tone in his voice. “Only her uncle!”

  The cub clutched at his arms, sniffing curiously.

  “I’ll take her back now,” Carrie said.

  As she settled Kashini against her other breast, Carrie was aware of Kaid watching her. You males are all the same, she sent. Fascinated by newborns!

  Not newborns, by their mothers feeding them, he responded, ears dipping in embarrassment. You do realize I’ve been waiting nearly fifty years to see Kashini born, don’t you? And I was right. She is very special.

  He reached toward Carrie, gently running the sensitive tips of his fingers across the curve of her breast, then lower, till he touched the cub’s cheek.

  I have to confess I’m no different from Kusac. His hand moved again, his fingers first touching hers then twining round them where they supported the child.

  “How so? Surely you’ve seen other females feeding their cubs?”

  “Never. Only the closest of male clan members are allowed to be present.�
�

  “For such a liberated species, you have some strange customs,” she murmured, feeling a warm lassitude begin to creep over her. “Don’t make me feel tired, Kaid. When I’ve finished feeding her, I want to go downstairs and join you.”

  “You should rest. You’ve got the Validation ceremony the day after tomorrow.”

  “I’ve rested enough for now. I’ve seen too much of the nursery and my bedroom.”

  Kaid laughed and leaned forward across Kashini to nuzzle Carrie’s cheek.

  The gesture was slightly clumsy and reminded her how unused he was to moments of affection. Turning her face to his, she brushed his lips with hers. She found the kiss returned with an urgency she hadn’t expected, then, just as suddenly, he pulled back from her, ears slightly laid back.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have done that while you’re nursing. Tell me, are you really unharmed by the birth? You were in so much pain, and I could do nothing to help you. I should have studied birthing when I knew we were going to the Margins while you were still pregnant.”

  She tightened her hand around his, mentally sending reassurances to him. “How could you, Tallinu? You were barely able to move when we brought you out of Stronghold. You were the one who had to study the Margin rituals at the shrine with Ghyan, you had to lead us back into the past. That was far more important than learning about birthing when we thought I still had another eight or more weeks left. Yes, I really am fine! Noni herself could have done no more for me than you and Kusac did.”

  “What about Kashini?”

  “She’s fine, too. She is too mentally aware for her age. She may even have been born with her Talent fully awake instead of growing into it as is normal. It may be due to me having to control the vortex, but we don’t know. Whatever it was, although it’s inconvenient for us, it hasn’t seemed to bother her yet.”

  “Being your and Kusac’s child, I’d be surprised if she wasn’t unusual from the first,” he said with a grin, easing his hand away from her and beginning to get up. “I must go now. We’ve still a lot to discuss with Lijou. I’ll see you when you come downstairs.”

  That night, the first of the winter storms came, and with it, the nightmares. Though the environmental screens cut out most of the noises, Kaid could still hear the wind howling round the villa. No house was silent, especially not one as newly constructed as this. He tossed and turned, listening to the creakings and soft rattlings, trying to identify their source until at last he fell into an exhausted sleep.

  Even then, for him the sounds didn’t stop. They grew louder, deeper in pitch till he was trapped within a roaring sea of noise. Heat enveloped him; burning particles ripped their way through his pelt, searing the flesh below. As terror gripped his throat in its jaws, he realized he was caught within the vortex of the gateway to the past.

  If only he could make a sound—cry out, anything—he knew he could end it! He fought against the terror, against the paralysis that held his body rigid and constricted his throat. This couldn’t be happening! He couldn’t possibly be traveling back to the past again! The drug dreams were supposed to be over!

  A strangled noise escaped his lips: It was a beginning. He tried again, this time managing a low mewl. The world righted itself with a sickening lurch and suddenly he was sitting up in bed, drenched in sweat and gasping for air. The echo of a sigh was sounding in his ears.

  The door slid open and, framed by the light from the other room, he saw Kusac. A curt hand signal to someone obviously behind him, then his Liege came over to his bedside. With a murmured apology, Kusac reached down and touched his fingertips to the pulse at the side of Kaid’s neck.

  “I’m fine,” said Kaid, turning his head aside.

  Kusac let his hand drop. “May I sit?”

  Flicking his right ear briefly in agreement, Kaid worked on slowing his breathing as Kusac perched on the edge of the bed.

  “Carrie said you’d cried out.”

  “A dream, nothing more,” said Kaid. “I’m surprised that with the dampers on she noticed.”

  “She sensed it through your crystal.”

  Against his throat, Kaid became aware of the warmth of the crystal and her concern for him. He didn’t respond: she’d know how he was through Kusac. He pushed aside the cover and got up, heading to the dispenser for a drink of water.

  “I’m sorry I disturbed her,” he said, keeping his back to Kusac. “I know she needs her sleep. I’ll stop wearing it.”

  “No need to do that, Kaid. This wasn’t a complaint: We were concerned for you, that’s all.”

  Feeling Kusac’s hesitation, he turned. “I think tomorrow it might be better if I moved into the Brotherhood accommodation across the street.”

  “Why?”

  “I’m healed now, there’s no need for me to live here unless I’m on duty. And I’m less likely to disturb Carrie.”

  He watched Kusac’s ears flick backward in surprise. “Kaid, I told you at Chezy, you’re not my Liegeman, you’re my friend, part of our family. Surely by now you know that our friendship goes beyond the need we had to form a Triad. There’s no reason for you to leave. Your home is here, with us—if you want it. As for being on duty, I know you, you always consider yourself on duty, but there’s no need for that now. These are your rooms, here for you whether you choose to use them or not.”

  Turning, Kaid returned to his bed, placing the mug on his nightstand. “I never apologized for leaving the way I did,” he said quietly. “Nor thanked you for getting me out of Stronghold.”

  “There’s no need. We understood why you needed to go,” said Kusac, standing up. “We were just damned glad to get you back alive.”

  “You have my thanks anyway. I’ll not disturb you again. It was probably that cheese Zhala served tonight.”

  Kusac grimaced. “It was a little strong, certainly not to my taste. Look, Kaid, the last week has been unimaginable. We traveled back fifteen hundred years and Varta knows how many thousand odd miles as well as everything else you’ve been through. We’re all exhausted. Not just that, time itself has played some awful tricks on us, you especially. We all need to take it easy, come to terms with what’s happened, what we’ve seen and done. At least we have each other, and our Talents. If you have any problems, don’t try to cope alone. Remember, Telepaths share the bad times as well as the good.”

  Kaid nodded. “I’ll remember. Thank you for coming. You’d best go before your cub wakes.”

  Kusac rejoined his mate, still concerned about Kaid. Sitting beside her, he leaned over the crib, looking down at their sleeping daughter. Carefully he placed his finger against the tiny half-curled hand, feeling the gentle twitch as the cub gradually came closer to waking.

  “I still can’t believe she’s real,” he said, moving his hand to stroke the tiny blonde head with its closely furled ears.

  “Oh, she’s real,” said Carrie dryly, pushing herself up into a sitting position. “Every time I feed her, I know she’s real! Her teeth are like needles!”

  Instantly his attention was on her. “I thought it would be easier for you now we had the nurse.”

  “It is, but that doesn’t blunt those teeth! My skin isn’t quite as thick as yours, you know.”

  He leaned forward to place his cheek against hers as she smothered a yawn. “Then give yourself a break tomorrow. Let the nurse feed her. Have the day to yourself.”

  “No thanks! I’d rather have the teeth than the pain I get if I miss more than one feed. Thank goodness it’s only for a few weeks. Tell me, how’s Kaid?”

  “You know you’re the only one who can sense him, Carrie. You know as much as I do.”

  “You saw him, though. How did he look? What did his body language tell you?”

  “As usual, not much. He put it down to Zhala’s cheese, which might not be far wrong considering it gave me indigestion.”

  “I’m glad I couldn’t have any! What did your instincts tell you?”

  “That it was the chee
se.”

  “Not that! You know what I mean.” She grinned, batting his hand away as he stroked her cheek.

  “That whatever it was, he’s keeping it to himself. There’s not a lot we can do, cub, except keep an eye on him. At least the drug dreams are over.”

  “It should all be over now Ghezu’s dead,” she murmured.

  “You’ve got me worried now, Carrie,” he said, sitting back and regarding her. “You said Ghezu hadn’t broken him. Was that the truth, or were you protecting him?”

  “Kaid has to have some privacy, Kusac. We’ve learned how to create our own despite the closeness of our Link. He hasn’t. His mind’s still an open book, and I can’t betray those involuntary confidences.” She stopped for a moment. “It was the truth.”

  “A near thing, then?”

  She nodded slowly. “Near. But that’s not all he’s coming to terms with. Learning that he was responsible for sending himself forward to live in our time, and worse, responsible for giving his child-self his adult memories of me, did hit him hard. I think it still troubles him.”

  He reached out to take her face between both hands, looking deep into her eyes. “If he needs you, cub, go to him. I don’t begrudge what you and he share, because we have so much. I’m glad you chose him as your lover and our third. There’s no one I could trust the way I trust him.” He urged her closer, his mouth touching hers in a gentle Terran kiss that gradually became more purposeful.

  Beside them, in her crib, Kashini began to mewl. With a sigh, Carrie and Kusac parted.

  He was two years old again, racing down the tunnel from the upper level to the lower caverns when he collided with her. Papers went flying everywhere. Then she reached out and grabbed hold of him. He froze, hardly believing what he saw. She was so different, not like them at all. Her face, surrounded by a cloud of hair the color of sunlight, was as furless as her hands. Then she grasped him by the other arm and held him even closer. For the first time, he could smell her scent.

  He woke with a start, breath coming fast and sweat again coating his palms. Sitting up, he rubbed at his eyes, pushing his hair back from his face in an effort to be sure he was awake. Gods! It had been so real! As if he’d been there Reaching out with a shaking hand, he picked up the mug of water from his night table. Their trip to the past had released all the memories he’d tried to hide so long ago and now they were making themselves felt. He took a long drink before returning the mug to the stand.